Thedumebi's Blog

I have so many things to say. Actually, so many unrelated things, such that I cannot come up with a single decent title.

Sometimes, life happens. So fast, so sudden, that we have no control over it. And we are thrown off our balance. We are left sad, vulnerable and helpless. Sometimes people hurt us so bad, and leave us scarred. And we try our best to get over it and swear that we have. Then all of a sudden, we see them and we are reminded of all the emotions of pain and anger and hate and betrayal. And then we are back to where we started. Sometimes, we plan so perfectly well, but things take a different turn. Sometimes, we are rejected- By friends, by family, in our places of work. And we begin to question our existence. We begin to doubt our worth. We get paranoid. We get unnecessarily over-analytical. And in the end, we still cannot come up with answers as to why these things happen.

I read an article on Bella Naija titled ‘How do you deal with negative emotions?’ And something that struck me was ‘…You haven’t healed completely until you can look at your pain in the eye and feel nothing.’ Sigh.

Once, I was going through my twitter feed and I came across a tweet that said ‘I thank God for the ability to be genuinely happy for my friends who are doing ‘better’ than me. It’s a gift and I’m thankful’. I couldn’t agree more. No matter how we try to deny or ignore it, jealousy is a normal human reaction. And we can only control it through conscious effort. And so I pray to God every day (okay not every day) to give me the ability to be genuinely happy for others.

And in turn, when God blesses me, I try to remember the rule of ‘temperance’. And also, my favourite quote by Sir IDontKnowWho – ‘In your times of joy, do not scorn the sorrows of others’.

So what do I do when life happens? I cry. And shed headache inducing tears that leave me with serious eye bags. Does it solve the problem? Not necessarily. Do I feel better? Oh yes!!!
I cannot stress enough how important tears are. When last did you cry? Apart from the health benefits of crying, I feel like crying is therapeutic. At least for me. It de-stresses me. It calms my nerves and helps me to think and reflect about what is necessary. It re-focuses me. 
Someone says ‘Cry as hard as you want to. But always make sure: when you stop crying, you’ll never cry for the same reason again.’ But really, if you need to cry twice, by all means do.

Also, if you have a friend that listens; Even better for you. Good friends are a necessity. You, be a good friend too.

Why do guys think it’s abominable for them to express themselves? Urgh. So stuck up, those ones. I always encourage my guy friends to express themselves. It doesn’t make you less manly if you show emotions, if you admit to someone that something is wrong. If anything, it makes you more human, more attractive.  This may be the reason why many guys do not smile in their pictures. (I should conduct a proper research).

Finally, be kind in your words. People suffer because of the ‘I was only joking’ things you say to them. If you can’t take it, don’t serve it. Even if you can take it, don’t serve it still.  Try to be happy for others. Say Congratulations when you need to. Give compliments. Smile. Laugh. Say Well done. Pray and work hard.

And if all else fails, eat red velvet cake.

Just as I was about going to bed last night; Yahoo sent me a message- “Your daily Yahoo- Top stories picked just for you: What successful people do before going to bed”!

I skimmed through it . Lo and behold, to my utmost disappointment, ‘bedtime instagram scrolling’ wasn’t a habit of any successful person. Yet!

The article mentions some habits peculiar to some successful people including President Obama. It describes him as a night owl, saying that he loves to stay up late and then read papers or writes before eventually calling it a day.

“Well, I am no Obama.” I said to myself, in a bid to allay my now guilty conscience. I continued scrolling through my instagram haven, and then proceeded to sleep on my beautiful couch. (I like to sleep on the couch on days when I am feeling some type of way).

Today. It’s 23:00hrs. ‘How are you Dum dum?’ ‘Excited, A little hungry, Happy’. It may be a good time to finally write, I thought.

And so I decided to write a list #7 Things I am Thankful for!

(PS: I wrote the first 3 a week back on my facebook page.)

1. The word of God.
I am not as religious as I want or ought to be, but God never stops loving me. I opened my ‘You version bible app’ today for the first time in a long time and the verse of the day was “God is faithful, He will establish me and keep me from all evil”. I went further and looked up the word establish in my dictionary app and oh! What peace and joy and confidence I felt. I needed to hear those words. So yes, I am thankful for the word of God.

2. I’m thankful for little blessings. Yesterday I needed to get out money from the atm. There is a maximum daily limit. But I needed a little more than that. So I told God I needed a miracle, and he answered me. I got out more than I ordinarily should be able to. Shame to the banks. Lol

3. I’m thankful for the first week of classes and the energy rush that comes with it. Although I would rather be on my bed, but you know, I’m thankful still.

4.The Internet. For Google and Youtube. I love how you can get all the information you need by just a click. I love how you could be totally stupid and ignorant with google, and yet it doesn’t judge you. I also love how you could think up something stupid like, ‘if someone kills me, will I d..’ and before you are done being stupid, google completes the ‘ie’ for you. And there’s a page or two dedicated to answering that. Or how Google comes to your rescue when you are chatting with your oversabi smart friend.

In other words, I am thankful for the internet, especially for uniting us all in our ignorance and also for teaching us where our teachers failed.

5.I’m thankful for the opportunity I got to do what I love and the joy that came with it. The past few months have been awesome!!! I worked as an orientation peer at my school. I had underestimated how much I loved the microphone and the stage and all that attention. And food. I had the best supervisors and colleagues and audience.

6. I am thankful for health. For perfect health. It is very easy to take health for granted when one is not ill. The other day, I went to this restaurant with my friend. And in between the long wait for my ribs and shrimps and pain killer, I noticed this obese man by my side struggling to get up from his dinner seat with the help of this other guy. They had come with a mobile oxygen tank. I’m guessing that he has to go with it everywhere. He had a smile on his face,
still. My friend whispered-‘tough life’. There and then I whispered a thank you prayer to God.

7. For Indomie noodles.

What are you thankful for?

I didn’t quite understand why everyone on my social media was all OITNBlack-ed up. Is that even a word? Anyway, not being one to jump on band wagons, I wasn’t in a haste to satisfy my un-understanding. Until Femi said, ‘Dumebi you need to watch Orange is the New Black! Trust me you will love it.’ Femi gives the worst advice sometimes, but he is hardly wrong; so I obliged.  Uhm, it’s a good show. I fell asleep in between episodes sometimes, but yeah, good show still. In case you are still wondering, Orange is the New Black or OITNB is a popular Netflix series about American female prisons. Or something like that. And since we are talking about series, may I just say that Scandal is the greatest? Please and thank you.

A line in one of the episodes in Orange Is the new Black caught my attention. It is something that I have been dealing with and thinking about for some time now. It is: “Sometimes it’s not a matter of right and wrong; it’s about making the choice that will cause the least amount of pain to others; keeping things to yourself, sitting on information and feelings; and living with your secrets”.

I have slowly and painfully come to the realization that contrary to what we were taught growing up, Honesty may in fact, not be the best policy.

I may be different things to different people, but one thing I am sure of is that I am honest, honest to a fault. I don’t mean to come across as boastful. I’m just being honest. Lol. This doesn’t mean that I have never been dishonest. We all have. But generally, I like to think that I am an honest person; more honest than your average Joe.

I’m not sure for how much longer I can keep being honest because frankly, people do not like the truth.  Human beings cannot handle honesty. Honesty is no longer a virtue. The world does not revolve around you and so if being honest will cause pain, harm, loss or shame to you or anyone else, then please, by all means, lie. Or at least, do not be honest. Better still, shut up. That is what that quoted line above is subtly saying.  That is what the world teaches. Indeed that is sad and horrible.

My being honest has cost me a lot of things-most recent being one of the best relationships in my life. Let me tell you a little about myself.

My mum said people used to ask her if she ate the meat of a monkey while she was pregnant for my immediate elder brother.  That was the only explanation as to why a toddler would climb windows so professionally. It wasn’t long before he initiated me into the climbing art. I think I loved it too. My mum, being such a disciplinarian, had a rule- no eye-services. Even if you are wrong, be honest. And so despite being warned not to climb the windows, we still did. Because we were kids.  Now the funny thing is that when we heard my mum’s footsteps, rather than acting on adrenaline and jumping down as quickly as we could, we stayed glued to the windows, like dummies. And because she saw that we were honest, she would spare us the flogging. That was my first honesty lesson in life, as far as I can remember. The truth will set you free.

Unfortunately, the world is not my mummy.

‘I told the truth on my job application about my past drug use, and they sent me a letter saying I didn’t meet their standards of integrity’ said one of the many humans of the popular ‘Humans of New York’ instagram account.

Perhaps, if he had lied, he would have gotten the job.

I got sent out of class on different occasions. Why? Because while the teacher was teaching, someone said something funny and we all laughed. So why me? Because everyone else but me, knew how the world worked and so as soon as the teacher turns around to catch the culprit, they ‘arrange their faces back’ aka keep a straight face like nothing happened. And I’m there, being normal, returning from a laugh, to a wide grin, to a gentle smile and then a straight face; because frankly, that’s how it should be. So I become the scape goat of course. Why? Because the world does not like honesty.

Good people rot in jail because the world does not like honesty. Openly corrupt and greedy people rise to political offices and you know why? It’s because the world does not like honesty. Pastors and religious only preach prosperity. Because of course, the world does not like honesty. You speak the truth to your friend and you become the enemy. That’s because the world does not like honesty.

According to William Shakespeare, No legacy is so rich as honesty. I concur.

And in the end, being honest liberates me. I like the feeling of relief and satisfaction it brings along. It makes me happy. And i absolutely love being happy.

And that is why I will not click the like button and comment ‘Slay!!!’ on my friend’s ugly instagram picture that I do not like. Just because I’m honest. Okay, that is a joke. 🙂

I’ll be damned if this isn’t my first post.

Friday, 18th May, 2012.

“PING! PING!! Wake up! Send your mobile number. I’m not with my Iphone at the moment and that’s where I have your number”.

Sigh. Johnbosco never misses any opportunity to show off. Interrupting my beauty sleep this sweet Friday afternoon.
“Okay, *rme* 0703462****”

*Phone rings*

“Hello Dumebi, can you keep a secret? Until Monday?”

LOL. Go on. What is it? At this particular juncture, I am fully awake and my ears are itching for this exclusive gist.

“You made it dear, You made a first class”.

I think I was silent for a few seconds; with my eyes wide open of course; followed by series of “Oh my God” “Its a lie” “Who told you?” “Are you sure?” “Don’t mess with me Johnbosco or imma blow your fucking head off”.

Apparently it was true. Summa cum laude baby!!!

That was for sure, one of the happiest days of my life.

Here’s why:

Friday, 2nd February, 2012.

The crew and I stroll to the Economics department after we hear that 1st semester results are out. Its my turn to check and the head nigga in charge reads out my grades. I’m like -____- Ok. Thank you.
I’m very weak and a lot of negative thoughts are running through my mind at this point in time. My race for a first class might have just come to an unfortunate halt. I manage to get to my room before I break down and cry like a baby. In my sombre mood, i open my memo pad and write this:

The Covenant:

“God. My God. My dear God! Thank you so very much. I’m grateful.
I know I sound like an ungrateful oliver twist but I’m sorry, you’re the only true God I’ve ever known. Forgive Femi, he is stubborn and too smart in his eyes.
I need a favour. A life favour. Yes, its about my result. I have to make a 4.8 cgpa this semester if I must graduate with a first class. Lord I love you, forgive me for the times I didn’t show it.
Here’s the deal. I’ll do my part and let you do the rest. I’m aware of what they say about breaking promises. I’ll try. I’ll pay my tithe this semester. I’ll READ. I’ll be serious. I’ll go to the library. I’ll remember that my friends and I aren’t striving for the same goal. And then I’ll pray. And then you’ll do your God things. And then I’ll get a first class. And then I’ll testify. And then I’ll blog this. Maybe. Amen. 🙂 ”

I made a 4.85 CGPA that semester. The best result I ever had. God is too kind.

Tuesday, 1st October, 2013.

I’m finally fulfilling my promise to God after about 20months. Uhm, Better late than never right?

I’m grateful to my family. My dad kept encouraging me. I literally shed a tear after reading the text he sent me on the day of my final exams. My mum never stopped praying for this for a day. Ije, Azu, and Emy, for their overwhelming positivity that eventually rubbed off on me. My favourite lecturer and supervisor, Mr Oluwalaiye, My coolest friends-G7(because they are too numerous to mention), Johnbosco, Folabi, Toyin Faks, Tolani, Foza, Zuki, Faith, Azeez, Dwight and Femi. And everybody else. Thank you.

This is something I’ve always wanted to do. You might not understand but its okay. Adversity, more often than not, brings out the spirituality in us (me).

Thank you again for stopping by. Collect your well deserved small chops on your way out.

PS: Happy Independence Day Nigeria!!!

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