Career woman Vs Footballer wife

I was more excited to buy Shonda Rhimes’ book-Year of Yes, than I am about actually reading it. So far, I have read eleven pages in two weeks. Fantastic!!!

As I read, I get distracted by my thoughts as always. ‘I have to call my sister today. Can I still go running? You haven’t written in a while, this has to be epic.’

I realize that I had barely skimmed through this page because I was distracted. And so I read it all over again. I think I need a ‘how to read a book even when there is no exam’ class.

‘Damn Shonda! You remind me of myself. I always say no. Especially to things I am uncomfortable with’.

These days, I’ve been throwing it down in the kitchen. Kay thinks it’s because I have a lot of free time. Bee thinks it’s because I am hustling for ‘the bling’, you know, so I can go on the gram and say ‘I said yes to my best friend. #FutureMrsA #DumzDumz2016′. Lmao. Don’t even get me started. I actually think it’s because I have been hungry a lot lately, and cooking is cheaper than eating out. Shrugs.

As I was prepping the onions for blending, squinting hard and trying not to cry (Ema says if you lick a pinch of salt while you are undressing the onions, you won’t feel a thing. I don’t even know why I believed her but it’s a lie), my phone rings. It’s a Skype call from Sekyen. I set my phone in a way that i can keep cooking while I talk.  The conversation goes something like this:

Me: ‘Sekuzzzzzzz, long time no speak. How are you?’

Sekyen: ‘I’m fine oh. Wait you’re cooking?!!! (bursts into laughter) What are you cooking?

For the records, Sekyen has one of the most infuriating laughs. ‘It can pain’.

Me: Moi-Moi  -_- 😶

Sekyen: Hayyyyy! I didn’t know you used to cook serious food like this oh. So what have you been up to?

Me: Not much, just job searching.

Now this is the part that gets me

Sekyen: (Bursts into more hysterical laughter)

Sekyen: Why do I find it hard to believe that you are looking for a job?

Me: (confused) Are you funny? So what am I supposed to be doing?

Sekyen: I just find it  strange. You don’t seem like a hustler. You seem like the type to just marry a rich man and enjoy life. Don’t get me wrong. You’re smart and all but you are not a hustler.

 

I thought about this for the rest of the day.

I was honestly very surprised. Especially because a few days back, my friend had said something similar- ‘I think you are pretty laid back. I need to see that drive’.

It was surprising because I see myself as the ultimate career woman. The one to probably wear suits and corporate dresses for the rest of her life. The type that takes work home and doesn’t have enough time for her husband. The type that travels all over the world to attend board meeting and then unwinds over the weekend by giving one or two TED talks.

But surely, If two people say similar things in a really short time frame, then perhaps, there just might  be an element of truth in it.

The worst thing I can do is lie to myself. So, I decided to do some soul searching.

I realized the following  about myself:

  • I dream more than I take action.
  • The ratio of my subscription to the ‘If it is meant to be it will be’ and ‘If you want it, go and get it’ notion is 60% to 40%.
  • My personality has evolved over the years. I think I am still an extrovert. But a little less extroverted than I was 3 years ago.
  • I probably am a multipotentialite.
  • Who knows a rich single footballer looking for an African damsel to wife? I fancy that ‘Footballer wife’ is not so bad after all.

So, who do you see yourself as? Who do people see you as? Is there a correlation? Negative or positive? Or perhaps zero correlation? Tell me 😉

You need a brag list.

 

Happy new year!!!

I spent the day listening to a bunch of TED talks on YouTube. I figured that this was the next best thing to do, as the stomach upset i had earlier had made me too weak to go out to do what I had originally planned-and I was able to convince my body too. How awesome!

This particular post is inspired by one of my favorite TED Talks.

Many things take away our self confidence-not having a job, poor performance at work, fear-of our bosses, parents our spouse, poor grades in an exam, a snide remark from a friend, our inability to speak in a certain way or with a certain accent, our heights or weights, the way our nose is shaped, the color of our skin. The list is endless.

The thing with a lack of self confidence is that it creeps in slowly. So slow that you the victim may not even realize it. And like a worm, it eats into you, deeper and deeper, until you start to lose parts of yourself. You become a shadow of yourself.

All of a sudden, you who used to be so cheerful and outgoing suddenly become reclusive. You don’t want to socialize anymore. And you think to yourself, ‘After all, if I don’t see anyone, I wouldn’t have to speak and then worry about how I sound; I wouldn’t have anyone reminding me about how fat I have become’.

I like to think of happiness as a reward rather than a gift. That is, you have to work for your happiness; it doesn’t come freely. You are in charge of your happiness. A good way to take charge of your happiness is to focus only on the positives. Happy people are not happy because all is well, they are happy because in the midst of all that is happening, they choose to dwell only on the positives.

Did you see the girl being carried around in a bowl? (Google ‘Kano girl in a bowl’) Did you see her smile? Tell me again, what is your excuse?

This year, you have to dust yourself up and take charge of your happiness and reclaim your confidence. It may be hard, it will be hard, but you are equal to the task.

Like Ivan said, make a brag list-a list of the things you are proud of, the things you have accomplished, the things that you love about yourself, those things that make you smile. Develop a self mantra.

So when those blue days come-because they will, and you forget just how special you are, and you lose confidence in yourself. Pull out your brag list, and read it aloud to yourself, preferably, in front of the mirror.

I hope you would feel better.

Meanwhile, top on my brag list is that I graduated. And looking at this picture of me makes me want to get up and conquer the world, right after I wake up 🙂

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And below is a link to the TED Talk that I recommend to help you gain back your confidence.

The Skill of Self Confidence

Let me know what you think of this in the comments 🙂

 

 

 

If it is on the internet, then trust me to find it.

I have not written in so long, and today, a friend of mine scolded me nicely for it. (Hi Wale 🙂 ).

Here is why I haven’t written: Because I am somewhat of a perfectionist; because I am scared of failure; and because I have a fear of being average.

A few weeks back, I wrote something and saved it in my drafts. I was going to post it on here but after reading it again the next morning,  I felt it wasn’t good enough, it was too cliché. You know, I love it when I get those, “You write really well”, “You inspire me” type of feedbacks. Whether they are sincere or not. Lol. And after reading my draft, I thought to myself, “this is definitely not bringing me those ego-boosting praises”, and I ditched it.

While it is good that we strive for perfection, I think it’s unfair to portray a life of perfection to people, especially those who look up to  us. I don’t always look beautiful, I say the dumbest things sometimes, I have terrible mood swings, my makeup is not always on fleek, (it’s  actually never on fleek), I get really broke sometimes, and of course, on some days, I write like a 10-year old.

But that’s okay. Because, it’s in being vulnerable, that we find strength.

To whoever is reading this, I apologize. Forgive me for being selfish with my (budding) gift. Like I always say, I write that one person may perhaps be inspired by my ability to put my thoughts, and life drama  into words.

And now, to the post of the day, Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, the rejected  draft that will finally see the light of day:

I think I do well with these titles. Admit it, they make you want to read the post. Haha.

Don’t go yet, I promise, I do have something interesting to say.

I pride myself in my ability to surf the web like a pro. That pro should be PRO really, capitalized. I often tell people, if it’s on the web, then trust me to find it. I should work for the FBI but they do not hire international students. What a loss!

Once, my friend came up with a “business idea”. We were to create a social media account solely for the purpose of snitching. I was to use my super investigative skills to find out who’s boo had a boo, other than their real boo; while he handled the business aspect. I told him that my talent was for God and God doesn’t love ugly.

It was during one of my surfing escapades that I stumbled on a friend’s Facebook update.  ‘Banner(not real name) started working at Apple’. Wow! You go girl!! I don’t know how much Apple pays but I was very excited on her behalf. Heck, I’ll work for Apple in exchange for bragging rights only. Lol. I kid. But you get my point.

Then I started to wonder, how many people are actually living their dreams???

You know how you were young and dreamt of being a doctor? And then you grew up and realized it was too much work ? And so you decided that you’ll just be an engineer instead-5 years in school is a lot better than 7. Then after you graduated and searched for a job for a while, your dad connected you to his bank manager friend who offered you a job in the bank? And the pay was good so you gladly accepted it because half bread is better than puff-puff? And then you got too comfortable, and forgot that you ever wanted to be a doctor.

And there went your dreams-tossed in the wind.

Settle (noun): To accept in spite of incomplete satisfaction.

Too many times, we settle for less. Less than what we are capable of achieving, less than what we deserve.

Are you working at your dream job?

Are you studying your dream course? In your dream school?

Are you married to your dream man/woman?

Are you driving your dream car?

Do you live in your dream house?

Are you living your dreams?

I am here to encourage you not to give up. Get up and chase that beautiful dream!

Me,reading the comments on your instagram post.

Me,reading the comments on your instagram post.

Disclaimer: It is not my intention to undermine any profession and any resemblance of such is completely coincidental.

Breakfast on the wheels.

We ask God to bless us; He does. We turn around and then use these blessings against Him; typical human.

Why do we write He and Him in initial caps when referring to God? I never quite understood that but trust my African mother to chastise me for such ‘sacrilege’. So now, i just do it. No need to understand.

My last post had me lamenting about my frustrations and earnest desire to ‘make it’.

Well, I haven’t quite made it yet, but I took a step towards making it. I got an internship; not at the World bank like I would have preferred; but in a marketing firm where I am learning a lot. I find myself running SQL queries and using Tableau to make cute little colorful graphs. And I wonder how I, Economist Dumebi, got here. (Yes,we Economists deserve prefixes too). But I guess that’s the beauty of Economics-it’s diversity.

I also got to join a team in school, one where I make calls and get paid for it. Again, not the World bank but I’m thankful.

I feel like if I lamented publicly, then I should also show my gratitude publicly.

Hey Big man, this is for you. Thank you 🙂

And now, I don’t have any time for myself. Or even anyone else.

My nights are shorter and days, longer.

And so I say my morning prayers in the shower.

And have breakfast on the steering wheel.

Okay Okay, I kid.

Or maybe not.

I hope your week is going great. 🙂

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We will all make it

We will all make it
Me, and all of my own.
 
She got a job
A very good one
‘Congratulations’, I said
I told you that we will all make it.
 
The list was out.
She got a million dollar scholarship
Wow! I’m so proud of you
Didn’t I tell you that we will all make it?
 
Look who is getting married!
After dating Deyiga for only 5 months
We are tired of these time wasters.
My friend, didn’t I tell you that we will all make it?
 
She just put to bed
A set of twins-Ben and Benita
Babajide is a sharpshooter oh
I knew that we would make it.
 
It was a sleek maroon Mercedes Benz
We have arrived.
Chop this knuckle my brother.
Shebi I talk say we go make am?
 
By now night is drawing near
I curl up in my bed
My eyes full of tears
God, when will I make it?
 
I’m genuinely happy for my friends
I say congratulations heartily
And smile from cheek to cheek
But the wait is getting too long.
What is my number on the make it list?
 
I will not despair
For Indeed I believe
That we will all make it
Me, and all of my own.
 

Cheesing, because we will all make it :)

Cheesing, because we will all make it 🙂

GOD; Not Central Bank.

I was so good at cramming when I was much younger. So good that, once, I took home the prize for the best student in Yoruba Language. I didn’t know a thing about Yoruba. All I had to do was cram it and pour it. And  it worked.

I have had my school ID number for more than a year now. Yet, every time I am asked for it, i have to hurriedly search my bag for my ID card and read it out. Oh how things have changed!

One of the things I crammed learned in my Economics class was the functions of The Central bank, my favorite being: “The Central Bank acts as a lender of last resort” meaning  that when commercial banks are in a difficult financial situation and have nowhere else to borrow money from, The Central Bank steps in and Olivia Popes saves  the situation.

Many times we treat God like a Central bank.

” It was Kevin’s birthday last night. The clique, all three of them, decided that an appropriate ‘turn-up’ was necessary. But Sade, had an interview the following morning. ‘Okay guys, I’ll go but  only on the condition that we come back early so that I can catch a good night rest before tomorrow. I still need to read a little about the company sef’.  Toyin was quite the persuader. She knew just what to say to get anyone on board. And so, an agreement was reached.; and off they went.

It was so loud in the club. The DJ was killing it and everybody was lifting and dropping imaginary things with their hands. And they would stretch out their palms and twist their wrists like they were exercising for a fight. They said it was called the’ Shoki’ dance. Awesome. Oh look! Sade didn’t seem like someone ready to leave anytime soon as she had already found her way to the VIP section, disregarding the birthday boy Kevin. But neiher of them was surprised.  They said it was a ‘light-skinned girl behavior’ thing.  And soon, everyone was scattered.

Suddenly, a fight broke out. Something about stealing someone’s girlfriend and breaking the bro code and before I could say Susan Peters, bottles were flying in the air.

By now everyone was  flying and fighting for their lives.

“God if you get me out of here safely, I promise to stop this baby boy life. This will be the last time I’ll go clubbing,… this year. I swear. God do it for your baby boy”.; Kevin muttered as he ducked for cover.

And morning came the next day.

“God please help me make it on time for my interview, I promise to plan properly next time. I’ll stop procrastinating and being lazy. Also please don’t let them ask me difficult questions. You know I’m not prepared.  And if it is not asking for too much, help me get the job please. Please. My rent is almost due”, said Sade as she ransacked her wardrobe in search of her only pair of suit for her 8:30am interview.  It was 8am . Was she trying to be light skinned with God also?

And in the tiny room she shared with her boo, there was Toyin, pacing back and forth. “Negative Lord, negative. God please, let this test come out negative. I beg you. I’ll be a good girl from now on. No wed; no  bed.”

And God, being God, granted their requests. Each one of them.

And the following weekend came.

Some things were still not in place. They needed to be turned up. And Shoki was still very much the dance of the year. Of course, being the cool clique that they were, they had to show up.

But God remained God”.

For those times that we have remembered you only as a last resort, dear Lord forgive us and help us to change our ways.

I guess fiction is not really my thing. Haha. I hope you got the message.

I am sorry too.

For all the praises I did not give;

And the songs I refused to sing.

For the friendships I ruined;

And the hate I spewed.

For all the precious time I wasted;

And the sins I committed.

For the lust of the flesh;

And unworthy thirst.

For all the good I failed to do;

The malice, envy and jealousy;

For those, I am sorry too.